Just. Stop.

Yesterday a female co-worker asked me if I was "putting on a few pounds?" {insert gasp here} And I am, or I should say - I have, but not intentionally, sooo . . .

Of course I was upset and my feelings were hurt. I was actually shocked because we were at work and the person who said it has always been so sweet and kind. So that threw me off and then my mind took flight.

Why did she say that?

Was she intentionally being mean?

Did she think this was a good thing, as if I needed to put on a few pounds (still not okay)?

Was she having a bad day and decided to just take a jab at someone else to feel better?

Is she putting on a few pounds?

Is she losing weight so she was feeling herself?

Then the queen of all bees came out in me . . . this b*tch was bold enough to take a jab at me so I must have made her comfortable enough to say whatever she wants! In true female fashion, I put the blame on myself & in my head I was going to be sure I fixed this situation, or at least, I'd make sure it never happened again. That's when I needed to really shut my mouth and work through this experience.

For the sake of the message I am trying to convey, I am not going to dive into my pant/dress size, my height, or my ideal weight. Instead, I will say this, I am heavier than I used to be. My body has changed significantly since having children AND now beginning peri-menopause, AND I definitely have the same eating patterns I did when I was 20. I work out a lot less than I should AND I am married to an extremely fit man who eats to fuel his body, while I eat to socialize, cope with my feelings, and to enjoy every last effing bite of what it is that I am eating.

My point of this post is to send a loud, f*cking message to all the ladies out there . . .

JUST. STOP. Please.

JUST. STOP tearing other women down, whether you intend to do it or not.

JUST. STOP and think before you speak, judge, or criticize someone else, especially our female counterparts.

JUST. STOP thinking our body type is what defines us.

JUST. STOP passing judgement onto other women when you have no clue what she may be going through.

JUST. STOP feeling so f*cking insecure that you THINK we need to hear your back-handed compliment.

JUST. STOP giving the head-to-toe once over to compare yourself to that other woman.

JUST. STOP valuing what we have always been taught, that is, that women should be stick thin, have glowing skin, perky boobs, a smooth stomach and an a$$ you can bounce a quarter off.

JUST. STOP feeding in to the patriarchal expectations of women falling in line and being whatever social media, mainstream media, and Hollywood make us out to be.

JUST. STOP feeling like you are not enough and taking others down with you.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not sitting here saying it is okay to be pre-diabetic, winded from climbing up a flight of stairs, or have high blood pressure and cholesterol due to a poor diet and lifestyle. Regardless of what size you are these conditions are unhealthy and HEALTH is EVERYTHING. Being healthy in mind, body, and spirit is the ultimate goal & that can be achieved in many shapes & sizes. Feeling good, exuding confidence, and expressing yourself is super hot & it attracts others to you (more than you know).

Ladies, we will never win and show our true power and capabilities if we continue to ask one another if they have "put on a few pounds." We cannot own who we truly are, what real women look and feel like. We can not be better if we do not do better. We have to stick together, because the rest of the world is constantly pulling us apart. What if I struggled to put on a few pounds for years? What if I am struggling to get those few pounds off to be healthier? Either way, and more importantly, why are you asking? What is your intention behind this question?

I openly admit that I have been a nasty, hateful, insecure troll in my former life (15 to 20 years ago), but I will also admit I have done the work to improve. It doesn't make me any better than you or anyone else for that matter. It just allows me to imperfectly inform you that I am speaking from experience and I have grown and learned many lessons along the way. I have matured and spent a great deal of time on personal growth & why I have done things the way I did them. I have learned a lot about myself and patriarchal brainwashing.

Honestly, this is my first encounter with anyone ever mentioning my size or my weight to me in a negative way (insert eye roll here). I cannot imagine the daughters of mothers who had expectations of you looking like Farrah Fawcett, Brooke Shields, Christie Brinkley, Donna Summer, Diana Ross or Oliva Newton-John (yes, I am a child of the 70's embracing my Wild Woman status). I cannot imagine what women, who have struggled with their weight or emotional eating have endured, because you felt the pressures of the media, family members or your industry standards.

I feel bad for my non-breeder friends (they have named themselves this btw, because their life choices do not include having children), they are CONSTANTLY asked when they will have children; why they don't have children; maybe they will change their minds about having children; you need to have children; aren't your parents upset about not having grandchildren? I mean, this is another form of patriarchal brainwashing that other women succumb to. It's simply intrusive, rude, and extremely judgmental. JUST. STOP this, too!

"Re-program your patriarchal brainwashing & stop celebrating other women's flaws." ~Florence Given

Sisters, we did not have a shot unless we were raised in a near perfect environment where someone was a role model of groundbreaking proportions to tell everyone to eff off because they were smart enough, strong enough, beautiful enough, or badass enough to be their be their authentic self. Good girls don't think of themselves as being enough, they nod politely and keep it moving. We need to do better for our daughters, nieces, and sisters. WE need to stop the bullsh!t with feeling threatened or as if we are all competing against one another for that one job, that one man, that one picture perfect post.

What we need to do is:

• Be supportive & kind

• Be positive

• Be confident

• Break the mold for what a woman 'should' be

• Begin loving who you are

• Forgive your mother for not knowing better

• Stop supporting patriarchal beliefs and speak out against them

• Start playing big and be the best version of yourself (even if it pisses everyone off)

• Support female owned businesses and artists

• Refuse to be diminished and start calling people out on their bullshit (if you want to say something rude, bet your sweet a$$ you better be ready for a response)

• Forgive others who don't know better, but share a little tidbit about how to do better

• Be healthy, regardless of what that LOOKS like to others

• Compliment on deeper level things then physical appearances like excellent points made in a meeting, intelligent perspectives, positive parenting approaches, a job well done.

"I have insecurities, of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me." ~ Adele

If you are looking for more guidance around the patriarchal impact on women, here are some great resources:

Sarah Jenks - Whole Woman Program

Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) by Dr. Valerie Rein

Women Don't Owe You Pretty by Florence Given

Forbes Article: The Crushing Effects Of Patriarchy On Men And Women Today by Kathy Caprino

#raiseyourvibration #straightenhercrown #spiritualspunk #spirit #spunkywitches #betruetoyou #selfdiscovery #selfacceptance #effthepatriarchy #mindfulness #womensupportingwomen

✌🏽💜🙂

~Spiritual Spunk